Contrary to common belief, the most effective control over one's life can be gained in an almost effortless manner. The truly empowered person "has it together", exudes a glowing poise that is apparent to others. Here are ten steps whereby you can begin experience empowerment in your own life.
1. Start from where you are and take one step at a time.
When you think about it, that's the only place you CAN
start, i.e., where you are at this moment. Begin with your present
perceptions, understandings, and strengths and move forward, one step
at a time. In this world of objectives, goals and big plans, we
often focus too much on the future with the result that our ability
to concentrate fully on the present is severely compromised. Yet, it
is only in the present that we can make a difference.
2. Examine your resistance points--the things that irritate you, limit you, or cause you to react.
We often resist what we most need to learn. The next time
you find yourself resisting new information, a particular situation,
or something someone else is saying, ask yourself: What is it that
is really bothering me about this? Is there something that I need to
learn?
3. Recognize that whatever you are experiencing at this very moment is appropriate to your need to grow.
Implicit in this "rule of appropriateness" is the concept
that there is a larger plan of which you are an integral part. Until
you're willing to acknowledge the possibility that such a plan
exists, you will never be able to see it!
4. Stop worrying about whether others are getting theirs!
It's easy to become preoccupied about what the other person
is doing, getting, achieving, etc. This kind of worrying is useless
and wastes time and energies that are better spent on yourself.
5. Realize that it doesn't matter what
happened to you or who did it to you; the only thing that matters is
what you do about it.
What happened and who did it to you are in the past. You
can't change the past, you can only change your perception of it. The
ONLY thing that counts is what you do NOW in order to move
forward.
6. Learn to withhold judgment.
To withhold judgment is to accept what is. How often in
conversation do you find yourself mentally correcting, criticizing, or
re-phrasing? when you do, you risk missing the real message which
may not be in the words themselves. Rather than saying to yourself,
"that's inaccurate" or "he/she is wrong", try accepting the
statement as simply a representation of the way that person thinks,
feels or what he/she intends to convey. This simple technique can
open up a whole realm of hidden meaning, AND it enables you to
respond more objectively and dispassionately.
7. Learn to operate holistically by opening up to the other possibilities that are always there.
There is always more than one way to solve a problem. You're most
likely to get "stuck" when you foreclose your options by setting up
conditions, demands, expectations, fears, positions and prejudices.
8. Complete your unfinished business.
Most of us have "unfinished business"--failures, a
relationship gone sour, or a good deed left undone. Getting beyond
("completing") is not always easy, but there's a three-step process
that, if followed, can do wonders for your psyche. It's this: (1)
Acknowledge the wrong, mistake, screw-up, etc. to yourself, (2)
Admit it to one other person, preferably the person you've wronged
and, in the latter case, apologize and ask simply: "What can I do to
make this right with you?" (Sometimes there really isn't much you
can do, but the simple act of asking is healing in itself), and (3)
Move ON. You've admitted your mistake, taken whatever corrective
action you could, and now it's time to go forward. This third step
takes discipline, but it works.
9. When faced with an apparently hopeless situation, take action, any action.
There's something called the "logjam" theory that applies here:
when logs in a stream become all jammed up, moving ANY ONE log frees
the others to move, because the act of moving a single piece creates
space which in turn allows the other pieces to move. It's important
to recognize that you're not trying to reach a final solution in a
single move; you're simply taking "one step at a time" (Step#1)
10. Consider the wisdom of doing absolutely nothing!
As with the rule of appropriateness (above), there's a
hidden assumption here, namely, that we each possess an inner wisdom
that is always available if we know how to tap into it. Call it
intuition, spiritual sense, whatever, the fact is that this "still
small voice" is audible only when we are very quiet. It's a bit like
a point in which you can see the bottom only when the surface is
calm and the water nu-muddied. Doing nothing means exactly that:
nothing physically, nothing mentally, nothing at all! The Japanese
call it, "kokoro-no-mizu", literally, a "mind as water"--smooth,
flowing and undisturbed. Try it. It works,and it's fun!